When you get suicidal thoughts..

Disclaimer – Friends and family, please don’t freak out after reading this article. I will never kill myself. I’m a strong girl. :D

I had started this article once before and had stopped it because I didn’t really have anything to say in this regard. But yesterday when I was going through my ‘Page Views’ statistics, I found out that someone from US had arrived on my blog while searching for “What happens when you commit suicide and don’t succeed”. This really moved me and I started to wonder that I wasn’t the only one who wanted to die. (Yes, I had taken this extreme step to kill myself a couple of days back but didn’t do it because I didn’t have the guts.) Now I’m driven to write an article on suicide.

If you’ve read “Never back down” article, you’d know that my result in board exams are pretty screwed. And I’m sad. You might think I’m brooding over this a lot but just wait and think how you’d feel when things don’t go the way you expect. If you’re done thinking, I’ll come to the topic.

Okay, so I’ve been very depressed lately. So depressed that I’m getting suicidal thoughts. It’s not only because of my results but it seems as though all the bad things have taken toll on me. Things that used to irritate me, now upset me. It upsets me when the power goes off while I’m watching TV. It upsets me when my mum doesn’t prepare good food. It upsets me when the internet doesn’t work. It upsets me when someone scolds me. Well, you get the point, I guess. Every friggin’ thing upsets me.

The other day my dad scolded me because I was being negligent. Usually, I wouldn’t care and continue to chill. But that day I became furious and shouted back. And we had a huge fight. A fight about something so stupid that I don’t even remember. I cried a lot, consoled and convinced myself that I couldn’t take this crap anymore and would commit suicide.

I Google-d about how to commit suicide and concluded that the best way is to hang myself. I found a veil, tried tying a knot but failed, then somehow managed to hang it to the fan. 
Then I just sat for a while in my room. I fell asleep.

I was pissed at everything for quite a long time. But later on, I healed. And now I’m fine. My dad and I are fine. I go out with my friends. I watch movies, I write, I paint. I’m not very happy but I guess this is what life is.  Sometimes you’re happy and sometimes you’re not.

The point is, I could have killed myself that day and caused immense pain to my family and friends. Thanks to my guts (which I don’t have), I’m doing just fine.
While I was google-ing about How to commit suicide, I read that the death of a person affects six other peoples’ lives. It’s very true. Why, just before trying to hang myself, I had called up my best friend and told her everything. She cried and begged me not do such thing. She got so scared that she called up my brother and told him everything. My brother called me to his room and the first question he shot at me was “Are you that weak?” I burst into tears and told him how much my life sucked. My brother and I share a unique bond. And I’m very ashamed to tell that he cried that night. And he said, “Remember this face when you get such thoughts”.

There is no problem that can be solved by committing suicide. It, in fact, creates more problems than the existing ones.

How to convince yourself not to commit suicide -
> Think about your problems. Are your problems that awful and permanent that nothing could alleviate them? For example, now when I remember that I once wanted to die, I find it very stupid. Now I’m fine with my problems. I’ve learnt to deal with it. Now I’m stronger.
The person who wants to commit suicide doesn’t truly want to die. She/he just wants to end the pain.
 > Talk to someone about your problems. Maybe your best friend or any of your siblings. Talking helps a lot since they might have solutions or they might help you to deal with the pain.
> If you’re sad because of some person did wrong to you. Then you’re very stupid. No one has control over you. You’re the owner of life, which you get only one. So screw that person and live happily.
> Your death is going to affect other people. It is going to cause immense pain to your friends and family. It will. Trust me.

Your existence is special. Whether you’re black, white, smart, stupid, beautiful, ugly or literally anything. You’re unique. Some day or the other you will contribute to the society, your country, to humanity. So don’t end your life. Suicide is not the solution.

I hope you’re convinced to NOT commit suicide. J If not, mail me your problem at preethi30495@gmail.com
I’ll try helping. J