I'm Going To Live

I’m lost
The little throbbing in my heart
Tells me I’m alive
I call it surviving.
The unknown lures me
And mildly horrifies me
Life is beguiling
But why is it so hard to smile?
Thinking has also become hostile
It revives unpleasant memories

I’m lost, probably half head
I look at the night sky
And soak myself in the beautiful sights
But this is just a temporary refuge from reality
Because, yes, I’m an escapist
I’m used to it, used to
Living in suffocating misery

I’m lost, in the depths of despair
Seeking inspiration, seething with vengeance
I dream of success and crowning glory
But the past failures
Stir pangs of doubt inside me
I’m selfish, I want all the happiness
But this feeling of intense pain
Doesn’t seem to let go

I’m lost
But the sight of the full moon sailing past
On the velvet night sky
Imbibes hope in me
Gives me an occasional glimpse of love
And then I know, I’m going to live.

-PREETHI B S