It's all in your head!

The sun had set, metropolitan city lights had masked the stars in the sky.  I climbed the dusty staircase of my house, eyeing the area in the dim light for lizards and spiders; my heart beating faster and faster. I inserted the key, turned it once, twice, swung it open and ninja-jumped two feet away from the door and positioned myself in a way as to stab the intruder/grudge lady with the key.
When nobody attacked me I silently went in, switched on all the lights (ALL the lights, mind you).
I scanned the entire house; I looked under the bed, behind the curtains, in the closet and everywhere else. What was I doing, you ask? Nothing, actually. I was checking for ghosts in my house.

I’m a chicken. Biggest sissy pants you’ll ever meet!
People around me probably think of me as someone who’s confident, bold and not afraid of anything. Sure, I am. I can give impromptu speeches, I can Karaoke in front of a huge crowd even though I know I suck at singing and that the crowd would probably be scarred for life, I can walk on deserted streets at night because I think I’m born with special karate skills, I can strike a conversation with anybody, anywhere and all that.

But you know what I’m really scared of? I’m scared of grudge lady and domestic lizards. These things scare the shit out of me. I hope you know who the grudge lady is. She’s that ghost from the movie Grudge who bends her neck in a zigzag manner, opens her mouth really wide and produces weird noise. Google her to get the full picture. (Spoiler alert, she’s scary).
And I’m terrified of domestic lizards because they’re so creepy and disgusting. No offense, bio people!
The sight of those reptiles crawling on the walls and sometimes floors creep me out.

I recently moved to hostel and this OCD of mine was getting on my nerves and pissing the people off around me. I couldn’t sleep while I was alone in my room. I imagined grudge lady sneaking up on me or a lizard crawling over my face. (Yes, I have a very vivid imagination). I would call my parents who live a thousand miles away at 3 am and beg them to come back. I would pester my hostel friends to sleep in my room for the night or I would just not sleep at all. I would stay awake until I was completely exhausted then dozed off with lights on.

I tried to get rid of this fear. I Googled “Can’t sleep alone at night”, “Scared of domestic lizards”, “Are domestic lizards harmful” and such things. It just worsened my fear.
I meditated with my eyes open (I imagined the world going down in apocalypse while I closed my eyes. Yeah, I’m weird too). A proud atheist that I was, I suddenly became extremely humble and chanted all the Devaranamas (Hindu Gods’ Hymns) my mom had taught me.
I had become a complete psycho. I hated myself, I hated what I had become.

But yesterday something amazing happened.
It was actually very tragic and I had been crying for almost the entire time. I hated everything about my life. I loathed human interaction and didn’t want to piss people off. So I decided to stay alone in my room. I switched off the light and closed my eyes shut. I told myself that the worst that could happen is death and that I didn’t mind dying.
I slept.
And guess what? I’m alive and I’m at peace with my inner demons.

Fear is not real. Fear is a product of our imagination. But danger is very real. – Will Smith (After Earth)

Grudge lady doesn’t exist. It was my imagination that imbibed fear in me. Domestic lizards are harmless, they’re more afraid of us than we are of them.
My fear is justified if I was fostering a snake in my room (Touch wood), snake is dangerous.
There is a fine line between fear and actual danger and we ourselves ought to differentiate.

Scared of dogs? Try playing with puppies and then compel yourself to play with dogs. Have a lot of thoughts and opinions but scared to share? Create a blog and keep your identity anonymous. If people appreciate it, you’ll end up with some confidence at least. Acrophobic? Go bungee jumping. It’s mind-blowing. Want to debate but have stage fear?  Practice in front of a friend you can trust.
Force yourself into doing things you’re afraid of. That is how you overcome your fear. Stand up for yourself, be bold. The world doesn’t need cowards!

I overcame my fear. Now it’s your turn.